This crazy thing called Love 

Author: Padre Alejandro Cortés González-Báez  

 

 

What does it mean to love? Philosophers, thinkers, relationship experts, all types of people have been asking themselves this question for …. forever. Using different vocabulary, they nevertheless seem to agree on a similar response. To love is to see yourself, not yourself really but “another you” in another person. You place this “other you” over the original you, and this new person whom you love matters greatly to you and you want to please this person in everything and are willing to give this person everything, including your life.
But, sadly, experience shows us that, at field level, to love is not that easy. Sometimes it’s hard . . . . very hard.
Human beings are highly complex. People are very complicated, and even the most polished person can have moments of imperfection. Perfect men or perfect women do not exist, and living with another person frequently puts us in contact with the miseries and defects of the other, the same miseries and defect we ourselves drag behind us and this bothers us immensely.
Virtues like patience, understanding, tolerance, the ability to forgive are so important, especially at times when all we want may be to disappear or make the other person disappear.
Undoubtedly, physical beauty and attractiveness, when it still exists can help us overcome our trials and tribulations, but with time the importance of appearance fades and may drop to a lower rung on the ladder especially at moments when we are filled with the crazy ramblings of our little, psychopathic “inner child” which we all harbor in our minds at times.
The beautiful song proclaims: “I am nothing, I don’t even have vanity.” Sadly, this is not true. We all have vanity and we all are self-centered. But all is not lost. We do have many good things and many good tools to help us. Weariness leads us to vent about negative things, but we can also use our reason to overcome this.
It behooves us, we owe it to ourselves to remember our debt to those around us, our spouses, our parents, our children, our friends. We owe it to ourselves to remember our duties and obligations to them, our implicit and explicit agreements with those who surround us. We forget these agreements when we are angry.
On the other hand, we shouldn’t forget that fatigue and other physical ailments do have an effect on us, and that these bothersome states can appear uninvited at any time.
Love doesn’t cost much when you can drop off a girlfriend at her house at an agreed hour and see her again when you can … or when you want. Love doesn’t cost much if you are not obliged to give her money for necessities or attend family functions you may not want to attend, or parent-teacher meetings. Love isn’t hard at all when “your loved one” doesn’t have the demands or obligations which are implicit in a married committed relationship. Love doesn’t cost much there.
No wonder many young men aren’t willing to commit to matrimony. It may or may not be plain cowardice or fear, or maybe a deeply rooted powerlessness to “travel outside of oneself” to be less self-centered, to forget about one’s own self and be there for others. Yes, there is some maturity involved in that decision, a maturity not guaranteed by the passage of time or years. No, this willingness to be open for others results from a free, conscious effort.